Courage to cry

Well, some of you may know that I have been applying for several scholarships lately in hopes of funding my schooling. It's quite an intimidating process when you sit down and think about it. I have a lot of things working against me. I'm not a high school student, I'm not over the age of 50, I haven't been out of school for 7 or more years (but I've been fighting my way through school for 7--does that not count?!), and I don't have a lot of community service or outstanding merits to grant me consideration. I have my writing skills which can be mediocre when I'm trying to convey a message about myself, and I have my life experience. I've been trying to get involved in volunteering, I just seem to be hindered by not knowing where to start. All that being said, I applied for the Courage to Grow scholarship. I tried very hard with this one. I told myself that I would do okay and that I was equal to my competition.

I've checked their page every couple of days since the end of last month. The e-mail came to me today and I got super excited...until I finished reading it and hopped over to their website. It wasn't me. It was another young lady who discussed what it was like to grow up in a home where she wasn't able to eat yummies because they were for her mom's work. She talked of writing a book with her sister that will reflect the life of a caterer. It's a great read. It really is. The problem I keep finding myself in is that  I can't help but think, "I don't want to write my 'sob' story. I want to write my future story." (No, I'm not indicating that her's was a sob story at all. It does reflect that hardship that she endured as a kid though in a good light). I was crying before I started reading her story because it was a hard reminder that I'm not able to convince people that I'm worth investing in; that my future is what is worth investing in because my past is outdated and only serves as a reminder to where I will never be again and where I hope to keep kids from being. I haven't been able to convince anyone that my untold future story is what's worth investing in...yet.

I'll get off my soap box now and sit back down at the computer thinking of what I need to write in order to convince someone that my past isn't what's important (sure, it's a good convincing story, but it's not what I want my qualification to be based on), it's my future.